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TOPIC: Re:Humor for the humorous!
#3047
angiebee (User)
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Humor for the humorous! 1 Year, 2 Months ago  




Subject: Fwd: 1st grade vocabulary

Date: Thu, 06 Sep 2007 12:19:33 -0400





A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed

to the first grade.



The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby

talk!



"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.



She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my

Nana."



"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People' words!"



She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo

choo."



She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use

"Big People' words."



She then asked little Alec what he had done. "I read a book," he

replied.



"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

"Remember, Use Big People' words!"



[I love this]



Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great

pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT."
 
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#3051
Phad (User)
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Re:Humor for the humorous! 1 Year, 2 Months ago  
Always get confused and cant stop but wonder.....

What Equals 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 101%?

What is the value of 100% in life?



Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these Questions:



If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 1 9 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


Then:



H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and



K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


But,



A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%




Now look how far the love of God will take you



L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D



12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%




Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top! Come to think about it.
 
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#3053
kayanzi (User)
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Re:Humor for the humorous! 1 Year, 2 Months ago  
Phad wrote:

QUOTE:
Always get confused and cant stop but wonder.....

What Equals 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 101%?

What is the value of 100% in life?



Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these Questions:



If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 1 9 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


Then:



H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and



K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


But,



A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%




Now look how far the love of God will take you



L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D



12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%




Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top! Come to think about it.




Now that is serious. Just wondering what would happen if the initial assumption is wrong as is sometimes the case with mathematical assumptions.
 
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#3055
Phad (User)
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Re:Humor for the humorous! 1 Year, 2 Months ago  
Hhhmm......

One wonders!

Probably we would be happily walking in backwards mode,happy with uncertainties and less bothered about solving paradoxes.

What a brilliant life we would have!!
 
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#10170
JeenaJulia (User)
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Re:Humor for the humorous! 3 Months, 3 Weeks ago  
"Something About Wives"


My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
----------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.
-Milton Berle
------------------------------------------------------------

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was
water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, In the lake."
-Henny Youngman
--------------------------------------------------------------

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
-----------------------------------------------------------------

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I
was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and

didn't notice."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than
to let him keep her.
---------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to
interrupt her.
----------------------------------------------------------

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I
got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to
report it since the thief was spending much less than
his wife did.
-------------------------------------------------------

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
----------------------------------------------------------

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost
to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
----------------------------------------------------------

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa, a
Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real

happiness was until I got married; then it was too
late.
----------------------------------------------------------

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
--------------------------------------------------------

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the
friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
----------------------------------------------------------

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience.
----------------------------------------------------------

It's not true that married men live longer than single
men.
It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost
impossible.
------------------------------------------------------

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through
life Thinking they had no faults at all.
----------------
-----------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife
can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such
a man.
----------------------------------------------------------

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for
whatever he wants,
but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a
million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
----------------------------------------------------------

The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is
to forget it once.
 
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